Weddings are just overpriced parties

Okay, so first of all, that is what I want my wedding dress to look like. It is gorgeous and simple and very me, I think...but onto the topic of today's issue: The Scam they call a Wedding.


Weddings are effing expensive, and by effing I mean RIDICULOUSLY OUTRAGEOUSLY PERPOSTEROUSLY EXORBITANTLY expensive. For example, on a lot of wedding venue sites they have links for "weddings" and then also a link for "special events". In a lot of them "special events" are not as expensive as weddings. It's like you just mention the "w" word and the price goes up two-fold on every item. Bah-humbug to you wedding fairy!


There are also a lot of rules and fees that some venues require you to follow. The one I'm having the hardest time with is the "proof of licensed baker" one that a lot of high end and even mid-end reception venues require. Hello----I can bake, know how to bake, and love to bake, and above all want to bake my own wedding cake (with the help of my beloved mother!!). Now I don't want to do this to just save money, but because I want to have a delicious tasting cake as well.

Okay, so maybe part of it is to save money, but hey, why would I want to pay upwards of 400-500 dollars on a cake when I truly believe my mother and I could make just as nice of one (that would taste even better). Right now I really want to make this carrot and pineapple cake with cream cheese and macadamia nut frosting! My mouth is watering just thinking about it! It's more summery, but with the frosting I feel like it would look like a giant snow mountain. I don't want any fancy decorations on my cake, maybe just some nicely arranged flowers. I probably won't even have a cake topper. I want it to be simple. It's not about how it looks anyways, it's about the taste (at least for me!).

So yeah, to you "proof of licensed baker" venues out there I call shenanigans. You are just trying to canoodle and bamboozle all us doe-eyed brides out there into spending more money, either with the venue itself, or with some "licensed" baker you're in cahoots with. So I call your bluff. If no place will allow me to make and bring in my own cake, then I guess I won't have one (or I won't use your venue).

Also, do not try to pull the wool over my eyes with the $1 dollar cake cutting fee even if I have cupcakes. CUPCAKES!! They will charge me a cake cutting fee for CUPCAKES!! Now I don't know if you know what cupcakes are (har har har), but they are these nice, individual servings of cake. Conveniently cooked in a nice little lining, frosted and set out for your guests to grab at their leisure, no waiting for a cake to be cut. They are like your own cakes, but in a cup. And last time I checked, a serving size of a cupcake is 1. Not two, not three, but ONE. Meaning that no cutting is required in order for your guests to enjoy their own mini cake. No plate is required either as it comes in it's own packaging. Just fold over edges into a nice ball when done and throw in nearest garbage receptacle. Voila! It practically takes care of itself.

As you can see, I'm still trying to get over the shock of that one...

Anywho, I do have some ideas for my wedding that are pretty set in stone, and here are the details so far:

Ideally I would like my wedding to be held on Saturday, December 11, 2010 (exactly one year from when Zachary proposed). We're still discussing where the ceremony will be held and who will be officiating it (my lack of presence in the Catholic church--or any church, for that matter--has led us to investigate his, which is the United Methodist church). Our reception will most likely be held at this place called The Brink Lounge in Madison (going to check it out over Jesusmas break to see if it is the truly wonderful place that it looks like in pictures--take that Orpheum and your $1 cup-cake cutting fee (author's note: I do not intend to have cupcakes at my wedding, none-the-less, I still think it's outrageous and will be perturbed about it in spite of my desire to have a cake that will need cutting; it's the principle of the matter). I think I have a photographer figured out (she seems super cool). I pretty much know who my bridesmaids are (no flower girls or ring-bearers--I wanted my dog Chico to do that, but we will not be getting married outside in the middle of winter). I'm pretty sure my colors are going to be a sage-y green, silver and white...it's changed probably 3 or 4 times since I got engaged about 1.5 weeks ago!

I think Zach has his groomsmen chosen...I'm still deciding on who my attendant is going to be...Lucky for us that we both have siblings of our same gender (I have a sister, he has a brother) so maid-of-honor and best man are pretty much a given. Although, I'm sure Zach hasn't even asked his brother to be in his wedding; I will probably gently shove this process along at Christmas Eve with his family.

Before we were even engaged Zach would talk about how he wanted to have a say in the wedding decisions...and I of course said "okay" even though I secretly wanted to do a lot of it myself (I'm a control freak). Now we are both eating our words. After he chose what will most likely be our reception venue, he has decided that there are too many details and things to keep track of, so he's kind of sneakily bowed out of it. I, on the other hand, wish that he cared as much about the details as I do, because it's overwhelming to do this on your own.

Mostly it's been frustrating because it's hard to plan a wedding when you live 250 miles from where it will be held. I just want to know that my date and my venues are set, then I will let the details fall into place.

Sheesh, I'm exhausted just typing all of this.